In our lives, the more things stay the same, the worse they get, which is our sameness. Yeah, I guess that sentence does not really make sense to anyone but me.
2012 came & went so quickly that I just now realized it is now March.
I have wanted to post but my emotional state has me in a constant state of BLECH that overwhelms me even during the simplest of tasks.
Whether due to being pathetic, or just plain weariness, I will probably never know. But 2013 is not any better than it's predecessor.
By now, the resolutions of most people have been met with some measure of success, or they have fallen by the wayside. My resolutions were to enjoy my limited time with my husband (successful so far), find a "homeschool groove" (failed) and save our home from foreclosure (failed).
That's a 33% success rate.
Every time I look in the mirror, I see a huge blinking neon "L" on my forehead.
Losing our medical insurance was the not-so-delicious icing on a very nasty cake :P I won't even explain to you how devastating THAT is when 75% of your family desperately requires expensive medications, insanely overpriced DME, and impossible to pay treatments that sustain the lives of those you love most :(
Every day is wrought with heartache & agonizing defeat. Just when it seems we cannot go any lower, I find there are more steps beneath me.
I question why life continuously throws one curve ball after another and I am truly bewildered by our increasingly desperate circumstances. Each step forward brings MORE turmoil, disaster after disaster, and a never-ending supply of heartache.
I try to keep busy but those negative thoughts creep in unannounced and next thing I know, I am awash in a sea of despair.
I am constantly asking, seeking, knocking. Scriptures flow from my lips subconsciously. I can see God in the day to day things, and when I am in the Word, I feel His sweet, tender presence.
And in the midst of defeat, no matter HOW much we think need an immediate answer, that has to be enough....