tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87314555038362875632024-02-20T11:15:06.036-08:00The Tragic Road to ParadiseRejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03689809516015856011noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731455503836287563.post-16824890970658833312013-03-10T23:40:00.001-07:002013-03-10T23:41:24.549-07:00The More Things Change.......<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">the more they DEFINITELY stay the same. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">In our lives, the more things stay the same, the worse they get, which is our <i>sameness</i>. Yeah, I guess that sentence does not really make sense to anyone but me.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">2012 came & went so quickly that I just now realized it is now March.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">I have wanted to post but my emotional state has me in a constant state of BLECH that overwhelms me even during the simplest of tasks.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">Whether due to being pathetic, or just plain weariness, I will probably never know. But 2013 is not any better than it's predecessor.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">By now, the resolutions of most people have been met with some measure of success, or they have fallen by the wayside. My resolutions were to enjoy my limited time with my husband (successful so far), find a "homeschool groove" (failed) and save our home from foreclosure (failed). </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">That's a 33% success rate.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">Every time I look in the mirror, I see a huge blinking neon "<b>L</b>" on my forehead. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">Losing our medical insurance was the not-so-delicious icing on a very nasty cake :P I won't even explain to you how devastating THAT is when 75% of your family desperately requires expensive medications, insanely overpriced DME, and impossible to pay treatments that sustain the lives of those you love most :(</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">Every day is wrought with heartache & agonizing defeat. Just when it seems we cannot go any lower, I find there are more steps beneath me.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">I question why life continuously throws one curve ball after another and I am truly bewildered by our increasingly desperate circumstances. Each step forward brings MORE turmoil, disaster after disaster, and a never-ending supply of heartache.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">I try to keep busy but those negative thoughts creep in unannounced and next thing I know, I am awash in a sea of despair.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">I am constantly asking, seeking, knocking. Scriptures flow from my lips subconsciously. I can see God in the day to day things, and when I am in the Word, I feel His sweet, tender presence.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">And in the midst of defeat, no matter HOW much we think need an immediate answer, that <b>has</b> to be enough....</span></span></span><br />
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<br />abundantmomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088277132629093967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731455503836287563.post-44073174850957402372012-12-22T00:45:00.000-08:002012-12-22T00:45:05.948-08:00Four Days<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Christmas is only three
days away and there is one present under the tree. For some reason,
that does not bother me as much as I think it should. <br /><br />Probably
because my mind is occupied with thoughts of being homeless by New
Years.<br /><br />The deadline to submit the first fee payment is only
four days days away, which happens to be our anniversary. I am
certain this will be the wedding anniversary we will never forget.<br /><br />I
have been praying so hard for the Lord to provide the $307 we need to
make that payment (yes it went down $20 thanks to the kindness of a
stranger)!</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If Mike was able to work,
he could earn that in 5 hours. FIVE HOURS worth of labor separates us
from home-owner and homelessness!</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />If I could sell a
body part, I would
<img align="BOTTOM" alt="Smiley" border="0" height="18" name="graphics1" src="http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-basic/tears.gif" width="18" /></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />DD has been having
breakthrough seizures again. Nothing scares and disturbs me like
watching her seize off & on for hours. Klonopin wafers make for
one cranky sleepy girl, sometimes for a couple days. </span></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>
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<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I despise Epilepsy
<img align="BOTTOM" alt="Smiley" border="0" height="19" name="graphics2" src="http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angry017.gif" width="47" />
</span></span></span>
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</span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I often envision my
family teetering on a precipice. The wind is calm but even a hint of
a breeze will push us over the edge at any moment. Then we fall over
the cliff until we are a bloody heap on the canyon floor. Our lives
shattered by what appears to be an inconsequential shift.<br /><br />There is a very thin
line between being homeless or having a roof over our heads. Not
knowing the outcome is driving me insane<span style="font-size: large;">.</span><br /><br />I waver between
being filled with hope and dread, and that <span style="font-size: large;">causes me to feel ashamed</span>. After all th<span style="font-size: large;">ese ears, the Lord has al<span style="font-size: large;">ways helped my in my hour <span style="font-size: large;">of need</span>. Never <span style="font-size: large;">early</span>, never l<span style="font-size: large;">ate; always right on time.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">One moment, I am
confident the Lord will come through right on time like He always
does.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the blink of an eye, I
am speaking words of doom & gloom while my mind races with
thoughts of utter despair. I wonder, <i>"<span style="font-size: large;">H</span>ow we will fit 4
people, 2 cats, 1 bird and thousands of dollars worth of medical
supplies and equipment in our van?"<br /></i>Lord have mercy
on my family</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><a href="http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-sad007.gif"><img align="BOTTOM" border="0" height="16" name="graphics3" src="http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-sad007.gif" width="16" /></a><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">
</span><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Deuteronomy 31:6<br /><br />Be
strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid; for the Lord
your God, He is the one who goes with you. He will not leave you nor
forsake you.</span></span></span><br />
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</span>abundantmomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088277132629093967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731455503836287563.post-74015166238070295942012-12-01T23:55:00.000-08:002012-12-01T23:55:28.629-08:00Desensitized to DisappointmentMy entire life has revolved around disappointment. For as far back as I can remember, my hopes have been dashed & my dreams have been shattered beyond recognition. Little by little I learned to keep aiming lower until I stopped hoping, quit dreaming, & disposed of all my expectations. Disappointment became a close friend; a shroud of protection. If I quit dreaming, I never have to worry about nightmares.<div>
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A life like that leaves one bitter & hollow. Numb. Emotions deadened to pain or happiness. Reactions to victory or defeat are lukewarm at best. </div>
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Incessant disappointment is like Novocaine for the soul.</div>
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So when people break promises, it has little effect on me. Que Sera Sera.</div>
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When something wonderful occurs (or may occur), you are afraid to enjoy it. Your mind tells you it will never happen again. After all, the last time you thought a blessing was coming your way, it was violently ripped from your grasp. Better to hope for the worst so that you won't notice the painful unfilled dreams.</div>
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But break promises to my children and suddenly, the mama bear in me surfaces. The emotions I have spent almost 4 decades burying, explode like a pyroclastic flow. Acquiescence quickly turns to unholy anger. Of course, my outward appearance remains the same but on the inside, I am seething.</div>
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A close family friend made a promise to my children. A HUGE promise that would bless them with some much needed winter clothing & shoes; our dd is still wearing flip flops & tank tops from summer and our ds feet grew 2 sizes this year and he's still wearing the same shoes. This is the first year we have not been able to buy them necessities. To have someone offer was both humbling & a blessing (and an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders to boot).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Said friend decided to change their mind for a reason I cannot publicly disclose. However, I will say that regardless of the reason, it broke my little girl's heart to tell her ONCE AGAIN what she was anxiously expecting to happen would not come to pass.</div>
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What saddens me the most is not that our friend changed their mind; we are all entitled to change plans & alter directions. It's that my daughter is beginning to develop the same outlook on things that I did. I see the soul numbing pain slowly creeping in & taking over that sweet innocence & child-like faith. I watch her hopes & dreams slowly fading. Expectations gradually diminishing. The light that burned SO bright within is dying down to a tiny insignificant flame.</div>
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Another precious child's soul filled with "Bitter"caine.<br /><br />Oh Lord, please don't let her internal fire die. </div>
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<i>Then Jesus said to them, “A little while longer the light is with you. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you; he who walks in darkness does not know where he is going. John 12:35</i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03689809516015856011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731455503836287563.post-84450843323888738222012-11-21T08:55:00.000-08:002012-11-21T22:18:38.891-08:00Thankful?<br />
I feel I should clarify my earlier post below.<br /><br />Don't get me
wrong. I am not an ungrateful person. I definitely appreciate all the
Lord & others have done for us. I am thankful for every day of
life my family & I have.<br /><br />I guess the problem is that I see so many people sharing all their
"What I am Thankful for" lists-- all the immense blessings,
praise reports, good news, and financial attainments-- and that nasty
ol green-eyed monster rears his ugly head. It's not that I <i>want
</i>what others have, I simply desire to have ONE day that feels
normal. No sickness, no pain, no tragedy, no shut off notices, no
empty cupboards, no unfilled prescriptions, no trustee sales, no
seizures, no heartaches, no misery, no uncertainty, and no turmoil.<br /><br />Sometimes, it is too easy to focus on the problems and not on the
ONE who can turn them into blessings. <br /><br />So while I am MORE than thankful for every day that the Lord has
given me and my wonderful family, it is hard for me to find beauty in
the ashes.<br /><br />When the Lord gently nudges me with His
faithfulness, it brings me one step closer to complete trust &
surrender. Maybe what I need is a good knock upside my head to bring
me to my senses ;)<br />
<br />
<br /><u><b>_________________________________________________</b></u><br />
<br />In the midst of overwhelming adversity, affliction, anguish, & pain, I find it almost impossible to be thankful.<br />
<br />
There are times I feel as if my prayers are bouncing off the ceiling. I have cried out to God so fiercely the last few weeks that I am beginning to genuinely understand how Jesus could sweat drops of blood. <br />
<br />
Funny, or maybe not, how the Lord can show Himself to us in the most unusual ways.<br />
<br />
For example: a few people (who are complete strangers) have offered their heartfelt prayers & moral support to us, even going so far as to send monetary gifts. Seriously, how strange is that? If you know my Lord, not very. It is quite humbling.<br />
<br />
And for that very reason, I have seen an almost imperceptible shift in my attitude this morning. Even in the midst of a tempestuous storm a beautiful rainbow can make an appearance. I DO have reasons to be thankful.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>My Husband</b><br />
Although his body is severely afflicted, he is <b>alive</b>. Each day with him is one more to be treasured. Honestly, none of us know how many we have remaining. But his days are definitely numbered. It may sound cliche but he is the love & light of my life. I never imagined I could love someone so passionately AND be loved with the same intensity in return. When he hurts, I hurt. When he cries, I weep. When he laughs, my heart leaps with joy. At the end of the day, nothing brings me a more euphoric contentedness than being in his arms.<br />
<br />
<b>My Children</b><br />
Though both have their own ailments to deal with, they bring me unlimited joy and I am very thankful that the Lord blessed me to be their Mother. I don't speak of this much but I already have a little one in heaven. My first son. When I look at my children, I wonder what he would have been like. Would he be patient & loving like his Daddy or stubborn & emotional like me :-P Even after more than 20 years, the pain of loss persists. I take comfort knowing someday we will meet again and all my questions will be answered.<br />
<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>The compassion of strangers</b><br />
To those who have offered prayers or gifts, words cannot adequately express my heartfelt thanks & gratitude to you. Knowing that our utilities will not be turned off in the next few days is a nice bonus :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>My Faith</b><br />
Most importantly, Jesus' blood, shed on the cross, to give a lowly worm of a sinner like me access to the very Grace I too often turn my back on. That in and of itself is more than enough to be thankful for.<br />
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Happy Thanksgiving. May we all take time to reflect upon what the Lord has done & offer thanks for what is yet to come.abundantmomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088277132629093967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731455503836287563.post-43584995009043822712012-11-18T01:31:00.003-08:002012-11-18T01:31:59.210-08:00Fear, My Ever-Present CompanionConsidering I have walked with the Lord for more than half of my life, you would think by NOW that my faith would be a firm foundation, able to withstand the most violent tempest.<br />
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<br />
Not so.<br />
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Every time something happens, no matter how significant or inconsequential, I worry. If one of the kids gets a sniffle: I worry. When I was faced with cancer: I worried. Not sure what to make for dinner? Hey, I know! I'll worry about it. I'm sure that will solve my problems asap. The cat sneezes? Maybe she has feline leukemia!<br />
<br />
<br />
*sigh*<br />
<br />
<br />
Just <i>thinking</i> about my daughter's Epilepsy causes me to lose sleep. I often have nightmares where I am standing over her tiny coffin, begging God to breathe life into her body.<br />
<br />
<br />
My husband is facing some serious & possibly fatal health problems. My first and only reaction? Worry. My thoughts are consumed with visions of being a widow with 2 children to raise & provide for. Fear grips me at every turn for reasons not even on the radar, let alone within my view <br />
<br />
<br />
As his health continues to decline, I suppose it is natural to fear the worst. After all, how many people have died and lived to tell about it? Many years ago, he died during surgery. While he was dead, he had a spiritual experience that changed his life. It took almost 30 minutes to revive him but his life was forever changed emotionally, physically, and spiritually (I will share more about this in another post).<br />
<br />
<br />
He is such a wonderful husband, father, friend, confidant, lover; truly
my Knight in Shining Armor and losing him would be a waking nightmare.<br />
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If you knew me in real life, you would never suspect that my waking hours were consumed by fear & worry. It is hidden so deep within that even my husband, who sometimes knows me better than I know myself, has no idea of the monstrous battle waged daily in my soul.<br />
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The words "faith" and "hope" rarely escape my lips these days...<br />
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We are facing foreclosure. We have been in the midst of this war for over a year. Trying to persuade our lender to follow the HAMP guidelines is like trying to coax a ravenous lion to eat Bermuda grass instead of the juicy antelope being devoured by his comrades. No matter how many hoops we jump through, it is never enough. Paperwork lost, stolen, abducted by aliens, who knows! You make too much; no, not enough. It's been too long; not enough time has passed. <br />
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The thought of being homeless for Christmas with 2 chronically ill family members is more than I can bear. Never mind the fact that we have already lived here longer than we technically should have. Common sense would tell you that we should have been outta here a long time ago. But as the sale date looms closer, I find my thoughts consumed with apprehension.<br />
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The Lord has moved mountains & parted the seas of life thousands of times for us but I still worry.<br />
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Worry creeps into my every thought. I breathe & exhale fear. My
stomach has more knots than a Scout troop trying to earn a Fly Fishing
Merit Badge. <br />
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Prayers on my lips die before they are given half a chance to breathe life into my withered soul. Why do I react this way? I ask myself that 1,000 times a day. Sure, it is human nature to worry, but to this extreme? I think not! If this is what Jesus died for, then His death was in vain. Where is this "peace" that He speaks of? If God's Grace is free, why do I spend so much time & effort attempting to earn it?<br />
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Maybe because after all the mistakes, sins, bad moves, and idiotic choices, I feel unworthy to pray. The chasm that separates me from God seems to grow with every wrong turn. Laying my burdens & petitions at the feet of a Holy God when I am as far from Holy as the East is from the West seems somewhat insincere or Pharisaical.<br />
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<br />
But God....<br />
<br />
The phrase "but God" is found 60 times in the NIV version of the Bible. <br />
<br />
A few examples from Bible Gateway:<br />
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<b><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+50:20&version=NIV">Genesis 50:20</a></b><br />
You intended to harm me, <b>but God</b> intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.<br />
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<b><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+9:18&version=NIV">Psalm 9:18</a></b><br />
<b>But God</b> will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish.<br />
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<b><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+66:19&version=NIV">Psalm 66:19</a></b><br />
<b>but God</b> has surely listened and has heard my prayer.<br />
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<b><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+73:26&version=NIV">Psalm 73:26</a></b><br />
My flesh and my heart may fail, <b>but God</b> is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.<br />
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<b><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+2:7&version=NIV">Mark 2:7</a></b><br />
“Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins <b>but God</b> alone?”<br />
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<b><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+5:8&version=NIV">Romans 5:8</a></b><br />
<b>But God</b> demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. <br />
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My father was well-known for saying, "No ifs, ands, or buts" to everything from brushing my teeth to explaining his reason for choosing a brand of cereal. I HATED hearing it because it meant the discussion was closed. To continue meant certain severe punishment.<br />
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It seems to me that God is in the "if, and, but" business. Just a cursory glance shows 18 "if God" phrases and 64 "and God" phrases in the NIV.<br />
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So tell me, if, and, or but God is SO merciful, why is it so difficult for me to completely cast my cares upon Him?<br />
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He proves to me time & again that He never fails and yet.......I live in fear.<br />
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That is wrong on so many levels. <br />
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<br />abundantmomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088277132629093967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731455503836287563.post-66896955362603127522012-11-15T08:39:00.000-08:002012-11-15T08:39:12.464-08:00The journey of a thousand miles....<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">I don't know how many times I heard th<span style="font-size: large;">at phrase growing up.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step</i>. Th<span style="font-size: large;">at is not the literal translation of th<span style="font-size: large;">is</span> quote by Lao-<span style="font-size: large;">t</span>zu, but it is <span style="font-size: large;">definitely</span> a popular one!</span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">U<span style="font-size: large;">nfortun<span style="font-size: large;">ately, sometimes that "single step" is <span style="font-size: large;">excruciatingly</span> problematic.</span></span> </span> </span> </span><br /><br />After much inner-deliberation and prayer, I have decided to start a blog. Partly to chronicle our lives before my feeble brain forgets entirely, partly to allow others to share in<span style="font-size: large;"> our</span> tragic adventure<span style="font-size: large;">s</span><span style="font-size: large;"></span>. Honestly, I'm not even sure where to begin. <br /><br />The Lord has seen us through so many tragedies & painfully difficult circumstances and yet, here we are, still taking steps (however small those may be) toward the goal.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">I intend to be brutally honest, sharing things that may shock or alarm you. Those of you with sensitive dispositions may wish to turn back now, before it's too late ;)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">Please bear with me as I learn how to blog<span style="font-size: large;"> (I am <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">seriously</span> <span style="font-size: large;">techn<span style="font-size: large;">o-</span>challenged</span> lol)</span></span>. My thoughts are a jumbled mess and sometimes it takes a while for me to sort them out.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+40&version=NLT" target="_blank">Psalm 40 <br /></a></span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">New Living Translation (NLT)<br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-40-1">For the choir director: A psalm of David.<br /></span></span></span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-40-1"><sup class="versenum">1 </sup>I waited patiently for the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> to help me,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-1">and <span style="font-size: large;">H</span>e turned to me and heard my cry.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-2" id="en-NLT-14504"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>He lifted me out of the pit of despair,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-2">out of the mud and the mire.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-2">He set my feet on solid ground</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-2">and steadied me as I walked along.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-3" id="en-NLT-14505"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>He has given me a new song to sing,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-3">a hymn of praise to our God.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-3">Many will see what <span style="font-size: large;">H</span>e has done and be amazed.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-3">They will put their trust in the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-40-4" id="en-NLT-14506"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>Oh, the joys of those who trust the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-4">who have no confidence in the proud</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-4">or in those who worship idols.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-5" id="en-NLT-14507"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> my God, <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>ou have performed many wonders for us.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-5">Your plans for us are too numerous to list.</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-5">You have no equal.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-5">If I tried to recite all <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our wonderful deeds,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-5">I would never come to the end of them.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-40-6" id="en-NLT-14508"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup>You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-6">Now that <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>ou have made me listen, I finally understand;</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-6"><span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>ou don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-7" id="en-NLT-14509"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>Then I said, “Look, I have come.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-7">As is written about me in the Scriptures:</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-8" id="en-NLT-14510"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup>I take joy in doing <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our will, my God,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-8">for <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our instructions are written on my heart.”</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-40-9" id="en-NLT-14511"><sup class="versenum">9 </sup>I have told all <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our people about <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our justice.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-9">I have not been afraid to speak out,</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-9">as <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>ou, O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, well know.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-10" id="en-NLT-14512"><sup class="versenum">10 </sup>I have not kept the good news of <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our justice hidden in my heart;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-10">I have talked about <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our faithfulness and saving power.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-10">I have told everyone in the great assembly</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-10">of <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our unfailing love and faithfulness.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-40-11" id="en-NLT-14513"><sup class="versenum">11 </sup><span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, don’t hold back <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our tender mercies from me.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-11">Let <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-12" id="en-NLT-14514"><sup class="versenum">12 </sup>For troubles surround me—</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-12">too many to count!</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-12">My sins pile up so high</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-12">I can’t see my way out.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-12">They outnumber the hairs on my head.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-12">I have lost all courage.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-40-13" id="en-NLT-14515"><sup class="versenum">13 </sup>Please, <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, rescue me!</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-13">Come quickly, <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, and help me.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-14" id="en-NLT-14516"><sup class="versenum">14 </sup>May those who try to destroy me</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-14">be humiliated and put to shame.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-14">May those who take delight in my trouble</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-14">be turned back in disgrace.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-15" id="en-NLT-14517"><sup class="versenum">15 </sup>Let them be horrified by their shame,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-15">for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-40-16" id="en-NLT-14518"><sup class="versenum">16 </sup>But may all who search for <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>ou</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-16">be filled with joy and gladness in <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>ou.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-16">May those who love <span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>our salvation</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-16">repeatedly shout, “The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> is great!”</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-17" id="en-NLT-14519"><sup class="versenum">17 </sup>As for me, since I am poor and needy,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-17">let the Lord keep me in <span style="font-size: large;">H</span>is thoughts.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-40-17">You are my helper and my savior.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-40-17">O my God, do not delay.</span></span></span></span></div>
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abundantmomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088277132629093967noreply@blogger.com0