Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thankful?


I feel I should clarify my earlier post below.

Don't get me wrong. I am not an ungrateful person. I definitely appreciate all the Lord & others have done for us. I am thankful for every day of life my family & I have.

I guess the problem is that I see so many people sharing all their "What I am Thankful for" lists-- all the immense blessings, praise reports, good news, and financial attainments-- and that nasty ol green-eyed monster rears his ugly head. It's not that I want what others have, I simply desire to have ONE day that feels normal. No sickness, no pain, no tragedy, no shut off notices, no empty cupboards, no unfilled prescriptions, no trustee sales, no seizures, no heartaches, no misery, no uncertainty, and no turmoil.

Sometimes, it is too easy to focus on the problems and not on the ONE who can turn them into blessings.

So while I am MORE than thankful for every day that the Lord has given me and my wonderful family, it is hard for me to find beauty in the ashes.

When the Lord gently nudges me with His faithfulness, it brings me one step closer to complete trust & surrender. Maybe what I need is a good knock upside my head to bring me to my senses ;)


_________________________________________________

In the midst of overwhelming adversity, affliction, anguish, & pain, I find it almost impossible to be thankful.

There are times I feel as if my prayers are bouncing off the ceiling. I have cried out to God so fiercely the last few weeks that I am beginning to genuinely understand how Jesus could sweat drops of blood.

Funny, or maybe not, how the Lord can show Himself to us in the most unusual ways.

For example: a few people (who are complete strangers) have offered their heartfelt prayers & moral support to us, even going so far as to send monetary gifts. Seriously, how strange is that? If you know my Lord, not very. It is quite humbling.

And for that very reason, I have seen an almost imperceptible shift in my attitude this morning. Even in the midst of a tempestuous storm a beautiful rainbow can make an appearance. I DO have reasons to be thankful.


My Husband
Although his body is severely afflicted, he is alive. Each day with him is one more to be treasured. Honestly, none of us know how many we have remaining. But his days are definitely numbered. It may sound cliche but he is the love & light of my life. I never imagined I could love someone so passionately AND be loved with the same intensity in return. When he hurts, I hurt. When he cries, I weep. When he laughs, my heart leaps with joy. At the end of the day, nothing brings me a more euphoric contentedness than being in his arms.

My Children
Though both have their own ailments to deal with, they bring me unlimited joy and I am very thankful that the Lord blessed me to be their Mother. I don't speak of this much but I already have a little one in heaven. My first son. When I look at my children, I wonder what he would have been like. Would he be patient & loving like his Daddy or stubborn & emotional like me :-P Even after more than 20 years, the pain of loss persists. I take comfort knowing someday we will meet again and all my questions will be answered.


The compassion of strangers
To those who have offered prayers or gifts, words cannot adequately express my heartfelt thanks & gratitude to you. Knowing that our utilities will not be turned off in the next few days is a nice bonus :)


My Faith
Most importantly, Jesus' blood, shed on the cross, to give a lowly worm of a sinner like me access to the very Grace I too often turn my back on. That in and of itself is more than enough to be thankful for.


Happy Thanksgiving. May we all take time to reflect upon what the Lord has done & offer thanks for what is yet to come.

No comments:

Post a Comment